Supporting Through Loss

As an elementary school principal, I often reflect on the many roles I play in our school community. The roles extends beyond administrative duties, planning programs, meetings, and staff support. It also includes an emotional responsibility—a commitment to be present in the lives of our students, teachers, and their families during both celebrations and losses. One of the most challenging aspects of this role, and yet one that is incredibly meaningful, is attending the funerals of students, their family members, and the families of staff. This responsibility is a unique part of my position, but it’s one I take very seriously.  This week I attended two funerals for former students. I attended with staff members from my school.  We stood together, as we have many times before, to support each other and the families.  In my over 20 years in administration I have attended numerous services like these.  They never get easier for me.  I never have the correct words.   It is always awkward and uneasy.   But, I feel my attendance is important.    

When tragedy strikes, and a member of our community is grieving, my attendance at these services isn’t simply a formality; it’s a statement of solidarity. For the families, students, and staff experiencing loss, my presence shows that our school truly cares. These are the times when we come together, not only to mourn but also to support each other, to let them know they aren’t alone. Loss has a way of isolating people, and the presence of a familiar face—of someone who shares in the joy of their child’s growth or who witnesses their day-to-day lives—can help alleviate that isolation, if only a little.

For students who have lost a classmate, it’s especially important to show up, to remind them that our school is a safe, supportive place. Seeing me and our staff there, people who represent their school, helps them understand that this loss is felt by many, that it matters, and that there is a network of people around them who care deeply.

For our teachers, who give so much of themselves to their work, these moments provide a reminder that they are valued not only as professionals but also as individuals. Attending services for their family members, when they choose to share that part of their lives, demonstrates that our bond extends beyond school walls. We are a family in many senses, and showing up at these moments is one of the most meaningful ways to honor that.

The responsibility is difficult, no question, but it’s one that allows me to fulfill my role as a principal in the fullest sense. The impact that simply being there can have is significant, and it reminds us that our community is more than the sum of its parts—it is lives woven together, in joy and in sorrow. And as I step into these moments, I am constantly reminded of why I do what I do: to care for others, and to be a source of support, especially when it matters most.